A conversation with my significant other this evening:
She: What’s that you’re drinking?
Me: Jim Beam
She: Oh? With 7-up?
Me: Nope, straight.
She: Straight? Are you nuts?
Me: It’s how real men take their whiskey.
She (looking at what’s in my other hand): Do real men also take their whiskey with a cookie?
You might hear any of the following at among delegates at a gastroenterologists’ convention:
Up yours!
I gave yo’ mamma a complimentary colonscopy last night!
I saw a picture of your intestinal fortitude on a milk carton!
Bring it, asshole!
You should give up this business before the shit hits the fan.
I admit it. I’ve sunken to a new low.
Compare these two quotes from George W. Bush, US president, and Miss Teen South Carolina, and decide for yourself who should run the country.
Bush:
“Because the — all which is on the table begins to address the big cost drivers. For example, how benefits are calculate, for example, is on the table; whether or not benefits …
This album is like a bottle of highly concentrated syrup. They both:
Are ridiculously sugary
Contain nothing nourishing
Make you sick very quickly
Are best left on the shelf, or better yet, in the city dump
Ever notice how people in some countries, provinces and states tend to very proud of their regions, but people in others are not quite as proud? No? Well, read on anyway.
If someone were to do a study, I’d be willing to bet a handful of dirt that the shape of that region is positively correlated …
Sometimes I have dreams that I wouldn’t characterize as regular dreams, but are also not quite negative or scary enough to be called nightmares. You know the kind I’m talking about. Like when you accidentally leave the keys in your girlfriend’s car and it gets stolen, but fortunately her insurance covers it. Or you buy …